How to Negotiate Successfully

Plenty of folks would certainly assert that the world operates on compromise. It can, at times, be very difficult to get two folks to agree on an issue, not to mention to somehow get the 6 billion individuals inhabiting the entire world on the same page. When people get into any disagreement, the only method to deal with it is to locate some middle ground where all parties can be relatively satisfied. That is when they will also be agreeable to start negotiating.

When talking about negotiation, or its more formal forms of arbitration and/or mediation, it is the process of solving disagreements with the intent of satisfying the interests of more than one individual or group. Talks develop everywhere all of the time, in the commercial world, in legal proceedings, and in some cases between the people in power of entire countries. Of course, negotiating likewise often occurs on lesser scales: going through weddings (and sometimes divorce cases), all through bringing up a child, and even during everyday living. It is not uncommon that a lot of individuals are not able to go a 24-hour period and not have to negotiate with a friend or relative over some problem or another.

There are many approaches to starting a dialogue. However, it’s imperative that all sides go in with an open mind. Truly being willing to compromise is the most essential element with regards to wanting to come to an decision with someone else. Given that the two sides really need to recognize the other party’s point to see what type of deal may be achieved, when someone is unable and / or reluctant to give any ground, then any attempt at discussions would most likely be completely wasted.

The most well-known approach of discussion may include three basic components: substance, process, and behavior. Behavior refers to how the parties treat and react to each other and how they actually communicate with each other. Process describes the way the interested parties genuinely set about the negotiations. It involves the parties that are interested in the outcome of the negotiations, how the parties go about reaching a decision, and how all of these things play out. Lastly, substance refers to the effects of the actual negotiations, covering such questions like what the issues are, what the options are, and finally what agreement is reached at the end.

A separate strategy for negotiations is based on tactics, process, tools, and strategy. Strategy refers to top level goals which are the desired outcome at the end of the negotiation process. Tactics include things like statements and actions in response to another party’s statements – as in, how another’s statement is responded to. Process and tools include the steps that are commonly followed in a negotiation session. Occasionally, persuasion is added to this method where one party persuades the others to agree on their own argument, which is one way to successfully complete negotiations.

Another often-used tactic is known as bad guy/good guy. One negotiator acts as a “bad” guy and it is tough during the session because they may openly express anger and use threats. In contrast, the “good guy” calls off the “bad guy”, which makes the other party feel more sympathetic to them and thus more likely to agree to their terms.

Negotiating is a regular part of life. Being respectful and wise is important so that all parties reach an agreement they’re content with.

You Are Judged by How You Present Yourself in Terms of Your Behavior & Appearance

Most people are too concerned about what others think about them. Most guys tend to be held back by “some labels” attached to them by others around them. Often these “labels” stick on us because we dislike change or fail to realize we can change the way people look at us.

For example:
(1) “Shy guys” are shy because they are afraid of breaking their “nice boy” image
(2) “Boring guys” never flirt because they are afraid of being seen as “not serious” in a woman’s eyes.

Just like how you judge other people based on what you see, other people also judge you by what they see or hear.

For example:
(1) If you don’t look at women in the eyes, they are going to think of you having low self-esteem.
(2) If you always appear happy, people are going to think you are a warm and happy person.
(3) If you present yourself as a guy who is scared off women, women will think you as a guy who is scared off women.

You Teach People How To Treat You

If women always treat you like crap, it is because you let them.
If women always come to you when they need you and ignore you when they don’t, it is because you let them.

As you can see, these “label” that society or people around us attach on us can become the biggest obstacles in our lives. This is why you must be careful not to be defined by other people’s vision of you. The world will always be trying to assign you with various roles or “labels” in your life. As soon as you accept such a role, you will be stuck. Your power and personality will be limited to the confines of the role. As a nice guy, you will always have to be “nice” to women because you fear that if you stop, women will start seeing you as a jerk.

We Should Be Responsible for Our Own Identity

Define your own self-image. Create more than one. Don’t just become the teacher or accountant your mum has told you to become. Don’t keep acting like the guy, people “know” you about. Keep working on yourself to become the person you would want to become.

Here are 9 tips to build the identity and image that you want others to look upon you as:

(1) Realize that what seems to make sense 10 years ago may not make sense now. For example, even though it was wrong for you to talk to strangers and think about women you were 10, this doesn’t mean it is wrong for you to do so now.
(2) Your present situation is the result of your past actions. Whatever you do now will have a big impact on how your life will be in 5 months or 5 years later. If you work on your social skills now, you will be more sociable in 5 months from now.
(3) Take up a few new hobbies and learn a few new skills.
(4) Try things that you normally would never try. Be adventurous – it will expand your self-image quickly.
(5) A good way to break out of your past is by giving yourself a physical makeover. This “new look” will determine how you want yourself to be looked upon by the world.
(6) Make new friends who have the qualities you desire to have for yourself. Surround yourself with people who will improve your identity or self-image. If you are introvert with no social life, than stop “killing your time” with online friends. Hang out with people who have active social lives.
(7) Chase after your dreams and ambitions. Go after the things you really want in life.
(8) Redefine your definition of “being yourself”. Most people are not really “being themselves” when they say they are. All they are doing is letting others control their lives and trying to “live up” to other people’s expectations.
(9) Walk, talk and act as those successful people do (your idols). Study the things they do, do the things they do. You will become as successful as they are.

So, from now on, take charge of your own life and be the person, in how you want others to see you!

Public Speaking: The Most Important Part of Any Presentation

Through your talk, you’ll provide information. However, you really want your audience to do something with that information. Even if it’s only that they think about what you’ve said and then smile. So many great presentations go off the rails because the speaker concentrates on what they’ll say, without having spent sufficient time on why. It’s vital that you know what you want your audience to do. Answer that question before anything else. Then build everything in your presentation from that base. For instance, you might want your audience to:

1. Know more about health and safety in the workplace, (you inform) so that they create a better environment for everyone working there (they act);

2. Understand Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE) better (you inform) so that they can support their family or friend who has recently been diagnosed (they act);

3. Gain a better understanding of the wonderful work done by your charity (you inform), so that they donate to your organisation (they act);

4. Understand a film better (you inform) so that they can better answer questions about it on an exam (they act);

5. Be very clear about your political Party’s policy platform on Aged healthcare, (you inform) so that your audience of elderly people vote for you or your Party in the next election (they act).

For All Speeches and Short Talks, Answer These Questions

(1) Is your role to inform, persuade or entertain – or all three?

(2) What is the key objective of your talk? Write it out in a few words. For example, you might write: I’m giving this talk about _________ to _________ because I want them to:___________________.

In that last, very important, part of the sentence you must know what it is you want people to do. Two examples are:

1. I’m giving this talk about AIDS to the local Rotary Club because I want to raise money for a new hospice program.

2. I’m giving this talk about the new Occupational Health and Safety legislation to senior hospital administrators because I want them to develop appropriate programs to protect Nurses’ safety, state-wide.

Once you know what you want people to do, and why, it will be much easier for you to brainstorm the content of your talk. Your next step is to spell out clearly what you want the audience to do, how, and in what timeframe.

For example, if you’re keen to recruit more volunteers to help your organisation, instead of saying: “we desperately need more volunteers”, provide information about a definite task, a time and a place where they can help with that task. That can be much more motivating to your audience than a vague claim that you need volunteers. Why? People can easily see themselves cleaning up one beach on one Sunday morning with lots of other people. So spell it out.

If you want their money. Say so. Tell people about your amazing achievements, all done with minimal government help. Then spell out very clearly that the new building renovations will cost $120,800 because you’ve secured a special in-kind donation from Company X – valued at $Y. Then be even more explicit. You need to raise that amount in three months. Ideally, you and your group will have organized raffle tickets or some tangible means to raise money. If not, it might be that you’re looking for sponsors whose names will be placed on a special plaque.

If your talk has been about passing on knowledge – eg how to set up a small business – you need to be very clear and specific about how your listeners can learn more. Have some hand-out material for them as a follow up guide to more study, books (preferably yours) and multi media resources. Apply what you’ve told them in your talk: if you gave people an outline of the planning process, you could tell them to “start this very day with the first part of my plan.”

Then, because you’re a lovely person, you’ll tell them again what the first three steps were. Finally, let people know that you are available by e-mail or at a particular organisation to work with them through any point that wasn’t clear. Not everything in life is about marketing. Please don’t finish your presentation by blatantly ‘selling’ your advanced courses and your books and so on. By all means, include that sort of information as part of your introduction, and as part of hand-out material.